i just wanna soil my oats bro
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
