Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
