Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
