If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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