I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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