You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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