my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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