I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
