love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
