Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
