im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That accounts for only three of the penises
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
