Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
