Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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