and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
