when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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