you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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