just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
