Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
