He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
