is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We need to rekindle our bromance
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We left the knife in your bed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
