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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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