tell your sister to shave her snatch
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
