He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sex in a hospital.. check
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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