Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
