whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How's work?
Spinning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
