i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm too high and old for this...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
