you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
