just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
