sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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