Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
