Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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