is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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