ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is my gift to your gina
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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