he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
