We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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