It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
