I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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