He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
