Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
