Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
