i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
