Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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