shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
