The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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