If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
