I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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