so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
