Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
