How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just pee around me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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