we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
