Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i now understand why vodka
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
