just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I want her autograph on my taint
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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