capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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