I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
