my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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